


[sia's "chandelier" playing in the distance]

by kibbleboy



Category: Band of Brothers, hbo - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3694952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kibbleboy/pseuds/kibbleboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Well,” Luz says as the chandelier wobbles a bit with his weight, “you all look lovely from up here.”</p><p>_______</p><p>of course, my first fic on here is complete crack. vague babe/roe, vague web/gott. this all started out as a conversation with my friend about tangled's "i've got a dream" scene. don't ask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[sia's "chandelier" playing in the distance]

Luz honestly has no idea how he got on the chandelier. 

They’d gotten to the bar, had a few drinks, sang a few songs, and bam-- suddenly he was hanging there, stomach to the floor. The others are just kinda staring at him, dumbfounded.

It’s an interesting perspective, really. He can get a good look at Lipton’s balding spot from up here.

“Luz,” Skip says thoughtfully, breaking the silence, “you ever thought of going into acrobatics?”

Luz ponders that for a moment, imagining himself gracefully swinging through the air on little trapeze bars. Not the worst career choice, and probably safer than being a paratrooper. He’ll have to look into that.

“Well,” Luz says as the chandelier wobbles a bit with his weight, “you all look lovely from up here.”

“Don’t make us blush,” Toye says sarcastically, crossing his arms. 

Luz notices that Webster is sat in the corner, crying like a baby. He doesn’t know how that happened, either. It’s probably Lieb’s fault, he figures.

The longer he’s up here, the more he comes to realize that it’s his pants and belt caught on the chandelier. He briefly wonders, in his drunken state, if someone threw him up here.

As the men below him start talking more, someone starts singing, and suddenly everyone’s dancing. It’s hard for Luz to take it all in, but someone’s yelling something jokey about his position, and now they’re all singing the paratrooper song-- only they’ve replaced the chorus with “Luz is on the chandelier”. 

“Luuuz is on the chaandeliiieeeeer, Luuuuz is on the chaaandeliieeeer! Luz is on the chandeliieer, and he ain’t gonna jump no more!”

What good friends I’ve got, Luz thinks.

From his heightened status, Luz can see everyone on the floor, and he sees it when Babe suddenly trips over a chair and a few guys and falls right on his ass.

“Christ,” the kid grunts, now laying on the floor. 

Everyone is still laughing (and Webster is still crying in the corner, but is now accompanied by a rather pissed off Liebgott), but now their attention is focused towards Babe.

“C’mon,” Bill huffs, offering Babe a hand to help him up. He stands, and Luz can see the look of pain on his face.

“Geez, fellas, it really hurts,” he whines, a hand travelling down to his ass.

“Is it your tailbone?” Doc Roe asks, seemingly having materialized out of thin air like he often does when there’s an injury.

(At this point, most of the men have forgotten that Luz is on the chandelier, but to be fair, so has Luz.)

“Well-- I dunno,” Babe says, stumped. 

“Show me where it hurts,” Roe says with what Luz figures must be instinct, because, really, who would ask a guy to flaunt his ass around just ‘cause he fell on it?

Roe seems to realize this too, and immediately flushes a dark red.

“I mean-- uh--” he stammers, just as Babe was starting to turn around.

“You really wanna see his ass that badly, eh Doc?” Malarkey asks, giggling. 

(Luz is fairly sure now that everyone in the room is definitely somewhere on the drunk spectrum.)

“You should probably see if his tailbone is broken,” Spina says, appearing out of the crowd. Roe shoots him a look that almost calls for help.

“Uhh, Gene, that’s fine, y’know, buddy,” Babe says in a flustered tone of voice. He’s not even facing Roe at this point, because his ass is facing Roe, so he’s peering over his shoulder at the guy. “You don’t have to touch my ass. It’s cool.”

“Or I could, if you’re uncomfortable with--”

Before Spina can finish, Roe’s hand is on Babe’s ass (with a little gasp from a very surprised Babe) as if to reject Spina’s offer.

Roe’s eyes widen, but his hand stays put. At this point, he’s just sort of staring at it.

“Y’alright there, Gene?” Perconte asks as everyone loses their shit because oh my god Gene Roe just touched the butt.

“Well, at least buy me a drink first,” Babe says, face red and eyebrows raised.

“I, er,” Roe says, not understanding the joke, “I bought you one last night--”

“Right! Okay!” Babe says loudly, as if that will cover up the words that Roe just uttered.

“Excuse me?” Skip asks, laughing so hard that he’s holding onto Malarkey to keep himself from falling over.

“Okay,” Spina says, laughing and taking a step back, “y’all wanna be alone, then?”

“Yeah, you tykes need a condom? Or two?” Bill pipes up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Roe is so startled at that he almost falls over, hand finally leaving Babe’s ass.

“Christ almighty, Bill!” Babe exclaims, although he’s not in much better shape.

The bar is filled with raucous laughter now, Luz included, and Babe turns to hide his ass against the table.

“Er, ‘scuse me,” Lipton speaks up, “sorry to interrupt, but, uh. Luz is. Still on the chandelier.”

“Oh, right,” Luz says. He forgot about that. Although he doesn’t know how he managed to, because now that he’s paying attention again he notices that he’s getting a pretty shitty wedgie.

Luz, for whatever reason, starts laughing so hard that he shakes the whole chandelier. Before he realizes what’s happening, he heard a loud riiip, and suddenly he’s on the ground, a nice breeze going across his legs. His arm is bent at a very odd and painful angle, but he still hasn’t stopped laughing, and neither has anyone else.

“I think my arm’s broken,” Luz laughs, the pain shooting up his shoulder. He doesn’t really care, though. As far as he’s concerned, this is an awesome night out.

“Okay, okay, right. Now somebody’s in actual medical trouble,” Roe says quickly, regaining what dignity he has left and kneeling beside Luz.

“Your dick was gonna be in actual medical trouble after all that ass you were gonna get,” Liebgott mutters under his breath. Babe makes an indignant sort of wail.

“No, no no,” Luz resists, pushing on Roe’s shoulder with his good arm. “Go back to Babe’s ass, that was funner.”

“Funner isn’t a word,” Webster sniffles loudly from the corner.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Liebgott grumbles.

The laughter subsides a bit as Roe starts tending to Luz’s arm, and Luz hears footsteps approaching him. Speirs’ face pops into view, a mildly confused look on his face.

“Huh,” is all he says. Luz laughs again.

“Yeah, I...I can’t explain any of this, sir,” Lipton sighs.

Speirs glances up at the chandelier, which is swinging wildly and sporting a pair of paratrooper pants.

"Can't say I expected this," he says slowly, eyes travelling around the room.

"Neither did we, sir," Bull laughs around the cigar in his mouth.

“Well, Cap,” Bill says, making his way up to Speirs and offering up a glass of beer.

“Welcome to the party.”

**Author's Note:**

> right! well! that was an adventure!  
> i'm really bad at ending things, so i just kinda stuck ron speirs up there and hoped that worked.  
> i promise my other bob stuff won't be this weird.


End file.
